Yesterday, I did something that I didnt even know I would have to do. I disabled my Facebook.
It came to a point where I just wasnt feeling it anymore. I've felt this way for a while but I just never acted upon it because I felt I could bypass all the stuff I should ignore but things were taking a toll on me. I got tired of spending a few hours of my day wasting time scrolling the timeline. I got tired of posting a status that included a question and maybe 2 out of the 700 people that were my "friends" would actually respond. I got tired of posting my art and only receiving a quarter of what everyone else was receiving even though we were all highly skilled artists. You could take it as hating but in the end I've been drawing for 20 years and I have the skill to prove it. So I'm not sure if Facebook was purposely hiding my posts or people saw my posts and chose to ignore them for whatever reason. But whatever the case, I don't really care anymore because my Facebook is disabled and I'm not sure when I'll enable it again.
Furthermore this gives me more time to ignore what other folks are doing and purely focus on what I'm doing. It's time to hone my skillset even more than where it is now. It's time to finally finish Renisha and Cjay and to really start working on Iron Infiniti!
The night before I deactivated Facebook I began practicing poses from another artist that I follow. This will definitely help me improve! I swear, the older I get, the more I think that learning how to better my skillset is just like growing a Pokemon or gaining skill points from a JRPG lol.
As far as women are concerned, nothing much has changed here. The only sexual partner I've had is my ex STILL smh.
I've had many opportunities but I've managed to fuck each one of them up. Simply because I began doing something that I didnt even know was bad but it is:
Touching.
See, being that I was with my ex for 5 years, we've always communicated with touch. She loved to touch me and I loved to touch her. When we sat down and watched television we touched, when we ate we touched, when we were simply talking to each other we would touch. So I thought touching was normal if a woman was around me and I "thought" attraction was there. But unfortunately that can't be further from the truth.
See after all of those fails, I had to dig deep inside myself and say: "It must be something I'm doing." So I drowned myself in dating advice from everywhere until I downloaded a book from a dating coach I've known about for years.the funny thing is, I've never really taken him serious until I read the book. And boom, soooo many of my mistakes were thrown right in my face. What kills me is that I implemented these things in my mind back in the day before I met my ex. I guess after dealing with her for 5 years most of the game I had dissolved. So now I'm stuck trying to put all of the game back in my head while also simultaneously trying to meet new women.
I've had a lot of breakthroughs but being that I'm single as a 1 dollar bill and my phone is extra dry, I'm not breaking through enough. And because Renishaandcjay and commissions are the main sources of my income right now I dont get out the house that often. So I bit the bullet and started fucking with Tinder again. What's interesting about things this time is that it's even more difficult to get a date than it has ever been. I have no fucking clue how I was getting so many numbers and dates late last year. This summer in particular has been pretty rough.
But, if there's one thing I have to keep in mind about the game is that I should never keep all my eggs in one basket. So I have been approaching in public more than I used to. Unfortunately it hasn't been enough but at least I'm getting there. What's insane is that I really don't have a fear of rejection anymore because I've been rejected so much. But I still get tense when I'm talking to a new woman. Also women are always around but I can't seem to grip their attention when I want. And the minute when I'm not prepared and I'm out to take care of business this is when I get all of the attention. I hate that shit man. Why can't I get the attention when I'm actually ready? And that's where the problem happens. I guess I have to develop the skill of always being alert.
There's so much more that happened since my last post but that will have to be for another time.
