When it comes to me, if I set my mind to do something it will get done eventually. Simply because my mind has a tendacy to push an issue even when I'm not even trying to hear it. This has happened over and over again. And it's the reason why I am where I am now.
Its Sunday morning right now but 2 days ago I made a decision that I wasn't sure when I'd make but I knew that it was on it's way. After 4 long years I finally cut my hair. It was time. And I feel a whole lot better about myself and I'll tell you why:
I began growing my hair out just a year and a few months after me and my ex began dating. In a way, I felt as if it was the right thing to do. I once idolized this one guy on Instagram who had the exact look I was going for so I was fair game to do it. What I didn't know is how much of my pride and dignity was pushed to the side over the years. I'd like to think that my hair was holding me back in ways that I can't even describe. Which leads me to believe that maybe I wasn't meant to have dreadlocks. Because the minute I cut them off I can't lie I was nervous but once I got home and took a good look in the mirror I felt like all the weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I looked happy. I looked proud. I looked clean. I looked CONFIDENT!
This is something that I'm still trying to figure out but at this moment I really believe my dreadlocks were giving me extremely low self confidence about myself. I mean seriously, that feeling when I looked in my bathroom mirror is a feeling that I haven't felt in a very long time. Maybe in 4 years?
And that's not the only reason why I feel like this was the right decision. There are a whole slew of reasons why. To name a few:
Cutting them off symbolizes change. Something that hasn't happened in a long time. It symbolizes putting the past behind me. Especially since I'm almost certain there are remnants of my ex's hair mixed in the dreads. I remember her ass cutting off all of her hair after we broke up. In a way I kinda see why she did it now. Also it was a pain in the ass to keep them done and neat. I'd have to get my ex to do it for me or pay someone to do it. Neither of which were concrete so I ended up winging it for the most part. Which probably made me look messy, unattractive, and unnapproachable. And even the women who found me attractive probably thought I was a different type of guy (because of my appearance) and once they realized that I wasn't then that turned them off. I even think they may have thought I was acting feminine pr something because most of the time my hair was longer than theirs.
Hence why I've had terrible encounters with women this past year. None of which was happening before I grew my hair out. Hell I was barely getting dates back then. But the dates I got ended perfectly everytime. I really can only recall one really bad date from back then. But still the dates I've been on last year and this year makes that one bad date look like child's play.
So basically the old me is back. Well....the old me looks wise. I'm definitely a lot more wiser and mature than I was back then. The old school Zaytv episodes can prove that.
Now let's just see how things will go once I go back on the prowl to look for women. Even of they dont give off any choosing signals my way, I know for a fact that I am a lot more confident now then I was when I had long hair.
