Finally

Man.....finally.

After abiut 7 months of complete loneliness. I finally have someone to talk to and hang with other than my ex. My best friend finally made it back in town. This means my summer will finally begin the way I wanted it to. It really sucks that I had to wait until the middle of summer but later is better than never. Now I finally have someone to go with to parties,  clubs, or even just downtown checking for new chicks on the street.

Because honestly, I've said it many times before and I'll say it again, fuck tinder. I'm trying to engrain it in my head that I dont need that bullshit ass app. If I want a woman then I have to step to em. Without hesitation. I just know that rejection will be abundant but I can't let that stop me.

Plus we have big plans. When we get our apartment I'm sure we are going to turn it into a bachelor pad foreal.  It is time for me to really have some fun now. I've been noticing how much fun my ex is having. Not because she's doing things on her own. It's because she had a group of friends that she can do things with. I didn't have that and I still don't. But at least I have one friend to finally hang out with. 

"Friend" is a very strong word and it shouldn't be used lightly. I had to learn this the hard way. No one seems to keep in touch and it's a shame but that's just how things go unfortunately. 

Before I go, I do want to take note of how much meditation I have been implementing in my life. I meditate almost everyday and I can feel changes in my mood as well as how I act when I speak to people I may or may not know.  Before I began meditating I was quiet and didn't say much to strangers who talked to me. I also didn't really look at them in the eye during conversation.

I'm not going to say I completely rid myself of these bad habits but I have definitely seen an improvement in my behavior.  Meditation works. That's for Damn sure.

It's interesting how when me and my ex broke up, I kept daydreaming of how things will be 2 years from now.

Everything in question seems to be going just as I planned it out to be. Of course there are speed bumps along the way. But I feel as I am on the right path to the  fulfillment I have always been wishing I had. Everything is coming into place. I hope things stay of course for the most part.

Clarity

Back to regular scheduling......

Been a decent holiday break so far. Unfortunately not much has changed in the woman department for me. Today I realized just how much of a grasp on the game that I really have and I'll tell you that it's not much. I simply do not know what I'm doing wrong. And the only woman I seem have a effortless connection with is my ex. Everytime she comes around its like we don't skip a beat and everything goes smoothly.  We never fight and if we do things chill out quickly.

Every girl I come across just isn't on that level. They all seem to wake up and want to do stupid shit to make me not want to talk to them anymore. 

This blog is private now so I don't give a fuck about stating names in it. It's only for my eyes to reflect back on my inner thoughts in the future.

So I've met someone new, her name is Kartie and unfortunately I met her on Tinder due to my total lack of anything socially relevant right now. I dont go out much,  simply because I don't have anyone to go out with, well we'll get to that in a moment....

This woman, for the most part comes off as a straight sleaze ball. Like I know she loves to have sex. She has a worldstar video where she's practically naked. She came over in extremely tight clothing I could see every piece of her ass through her shorts. But she was somehow acting super indifferent when it comes to me. It's interesting though because she does contact me first most of the time. But that's because she might be using me for the pool in my neighborhood. Which is weird because I'm sure she talks to so many guys who More than likely have pools in their neighborhoods. So why choose me to bother? We havent kissed or had sex, the closest thing weve done was a few intimate hugs when we were in the pool together.

Ugh women are so fucking confusing man. I guess I'll just wait around for her to ghost me like they always do.

I'm so sick of this shit.....

But then again,  it's this stupid fucking app that's giving me all of these stupid encounters. But Tinder seems like the only way I can get any female attention.  Even if the attention is quite shitty. I have been approaching more women on the rare occasions when I am out of the house.  And when I do approach I usually get the same answer each time. "I have a boyfriend."

It kinda makes me want to stop approaching but I know if I do then I'll be stuck with these dumb ass bitches on Tinder for the rest of my life. It still bugs me that I have not had 1 single positive interaction from that app. And because I know I can't be the only one dealing with this shit, it makes me wonder just how many dudes were lying about their success with girls on Tinder. 

2018 just may be one of the worst years of my life, only coming just short of 2011.