So this blog is used to express my feelings when im feeling certain things and this time is no different.
Today for the first time in like 3 or so months I actually missed my ex. I know, strange right? Simply because I let things get way too far and I began spending way too much time with her. This in a way, kinda confused my feelings towards her and it's kinda messing with my head.
This is all because she kinda flaked on me today. I mean granted, I kinda didn't want to do what she suggested we do earlier this week but I kinda expected her to be the last person to do that. But she did, and reality is biting me in the ass. I swear I feel like I can tell the future sometimes. I remember back when me and her were together I would have visions of us being apart and she would go on to be the exact same woman I'd envisioned her becoming. Just without me.
And it sucks.
And it's what's happening right now. She's posting the kind of content that I always envisioned her posting. And she has a new attitude about herself. Maybe I'm just in my feelings right now because when I think about it, it's not really a big deal. I'm still doing things I'm not really supposed to be doing with her. And I hope it doesn't jeopardize my future. But even if we do slip up and have a child I could at least be comfortable with the fact that we would be ok financially for the most part.....
Speaking of which, my future....it's on the up and up currently. I can feel it, but it's at a slow pace. Partly because of me and my issues. I just haven't had the energy to put myself out there like I did a few months ago. There are a number of reasons why. Some more apparent than others. The last few times I did put myself out there in front of a new woman I was strangely ignored. Even when I look them dead in the eye. Im rrally beginning to think i just catch them off guard because they look at me like they dont have anything to say.
I really don't understand what some of these guys are doing to make these interactions so smooth. But I'm going to keep practicing in order to figure it out. I just have to find my mojo again. And unfortunately, since I have no immidiate friends to hang with I'm going to have to do most of this on my own.
And the weather.....man the weather. It has been calling me. I told myself thay I wouldn't be in the house when it got warmer. But i almost feel like it's being rushed upon us. Like its 90 degrees in May. Yet I'm home working.
This summer is bound to get interesting with the type of folks im trying to keep around me. One of the girls from a few posts ago is in a transitioning period from being a FB to a homegirl. We've hung out 3 times and the I only tried her once and never again. If she catches the hint and sticks around then that is on her. But she is really cool and I like hanging with her. I'd like to call her A.
Me and A are cool and she could be my plug to all the festival's and happenings in the city. We still haven't gone out to a event together yet but I know it's coming.
Finally, if all goes as planned, Monday I should be starting my invisalign treatment. It's time for a change and it's becoming more and more evident that it is time. On Monday before my dental appointment I'm supposed to be hanging with a new chick from tinder. She's this new African chick. And she immidiately wanted to facetime with me. We did and she quickly noticed my teeth. If she mentioned it as quickly as she did then i know others have as well without me knowing. So yes....tine for a much needed change.
One thing about African women, soon as they come to the states they are all ears to your game. But as soon as they live in the states for a long time they become accustomed to the bullshit and play around with you just like American women do. This is why I had to cut off the Houston girl from a few months ago. She's such a beautiful African woman but her attitude is Houston hoodrat all the way.
Well, thays all for me for right now.
Just a lot of pondering and wishful thinking.
Tomorrow's weather is supposed to look just as good as today's. And I still don't have any plans for tommorow.
Bummer.
