So it's currently 11:12 at night. A little but past my bed time and I reminded myself that I haven't made an entry in a very log time. Like man....it's been a whole 2 years almost. 🤦🏾♂️
Well I'm going to spare myself all of the updates but I will say this....I am living life on the edge right now and I know I shouldn't be. I have a lot riding on the future of my life but I keep finding myself in predicaments that could ruin everything. I suppose I need to get this off my chest but I have an addiction that I really need to cope with and possibly get help if things get worse for me. I started a new habit and it's been fun but I know the consequences could be dire if things go wrong. It's hella risky especially when I'm dealing with my girl. (Yes I'm still with her.) And I dont want to catch anything nor do I want her to catch anything. Which is why I really need to stop and quit cold turkey.
I don't know what is wrong with me but I feel like things are going so well with my life that I feel like I'm trying to sabotage it and I don't know if it's me making these bad decisions or is it some unknown force but I know I have to stop it. I can't let bad discipline and bad practice throw me off my game. I just really wish I could've came across this bad habit when I was single and rectified it then but things are coming up now and I don't know how to handle it. I probably honestly need to put a lock on my phone for a certain amount of time in order to prevent myself from doing certain things with it. I don't know but something needs to give because my situation in life is not the most perfect situation but it's working really well for me right now. My current girlfriend has been a treat to be around besides the few times where she brought her anger for something else onto me. Those situations were rectified but they still happen every once in a while.
My ex still robs my mind every now and them. But its nothing like before where I would check up on her constantly. Now that I'm either focused on my girl, my art brand ,my job or my habit I basically don't have time to think about her like I used to. Plus.my girl is sexy. To this day everytime we go out she gets compliments on her looks from different women. Guys look at her too and a dude holla'd at her right in front of my at the gym. I didn't make a deal out of it because it wasn't. Plus I wanted to.see.what she would do and how she'd react to a do trying to get at her. She rejected him and kept it moving. I was proud.
Work is a but different now. Way different actually......the white girl and black dude I was working with before are no longer in the section that I'm working at now. The black guy got fired and the white girl upgraded her position in the company. so basically I'm by myself there with new hires that'll probably be there by the time I'm gone from the company. Because I'll be damnned if I'm there longer than 5 years.
The girls I thought I could connect with never happened. One was actuallt married and I confronted her about it. Long story short that bitch was just a weirdo. She ended up quitting shortly after that. The other girl quit before her but it sucks because I honestly could've focused my time with her and it mightve went somewhere. Maybe....but then again messing with girls at work is pretty messy anyways.
The art world is a little fucked up right now. Not going to say much but Instagram is definitely the most shitty social media platform there is. It's literally has not been good since a little bit BEFORE my last blog post. So that should say a lot.
So I've been focusing a lot more on my comics and people are definitely starting to pick them up. I'm really looming forward to finishing this story though. I'd like to work on other things.
All in all, the main reason I'm writing this blog post is to remind myself that I really need to meditate again. Things have been going absolutely well for me on the outside but I'm really feel like my inside is really fucked up. And I think a few days or weeks of consistent meditation will help me get out of this funk and get back on top of my life the way that it was supposed to be in tbe first place.
I really need to get better.
And I will get better.
