So....tomorrow is the day. The day that I start a new journey that I have been putting off simply because I thought I could overcome my inner thoughts about my self image. But unfortunately I've been having a really difficult time doing so. It's funny because all throughout highschool I was a little self conscious but it seems like things have gone overboard as I've gotten older. So much so that even if what I'm perceiving greatly differs from what others are perceiving, no amount of proof will make me feel better about things until I change it. Which is why no one knows about this move in going to make tomorrow but me.
I've expressed things with my ex when we were together and she didn't approve of my thought process. I talked to my mom about it around thay same time and she understood. I didn't really talk about it to anyone else. So it would more than likely come as a shock to people who haven't been around me and most likely wont see me until the process is near completion.
So what am I talking about?
I'm talking about invisalign. Braces. Aligned. All of that shit.
Again, when I was in highschool I was self conscious about my look. I was afraid to smile in fear of what others might think of me. I think this fear may have started in 9th or 10th grade. Although I still maintained attention from the ladies, I still felt low about myself.
My dad had the same teeth as I did. But because he was slightly taller than I am now and his frame was wider, his teeth didn't stick out as much. He always seemed to have relentless confidence. Something I always tried to mimic or fake. Hell I even mimic some of his mannerisms to this day. But for some reason I could never inherit his confidence.
I've dug deep inside myself and my thoughts over the past years. I ask myself, "What is the underlying issue here?" I keep getting the same answer over and over again each time I ask . Some people are sensitive about certain things. The appearance of my teeth just happen to be my sensitivity. It just may be the cause of my lack of motivation and confidence to step to any women I want or interact in any situation that may cause a spike in tension.
I always have this constant thought of how people are perceiving me when I speak. How much attention are they paying to my mouth rather than my eyes or something else? So im looking to eliminate these thoughts wirh actions. It's unfortunate that there are some folks who don't have the means or ability to change something they don't like about themselves because most of the time these attributes aren't changeable like height for instance. So I'm very fortunate to be able to make this life changing decision.
I'm just imagining all of the times when I've caught the eye of a random stranger and they smiled at me and I didn't smile back. Or the times where I caught the eye of a pretty girl and instead of smiling and waving I either ignored her or approached her and still got no where. Hell I'm not even sure if I smiled with those approaches either. 🤔
Invisalign is far from cheap too. But at the end of the day I look at it from a longevity stand point. I'll be 30 on a year and a half. By the time I reach my 30th birthday I want to be smiling and confidence that will put the gods to shame. I would much rather shell out the money now than to wait and wonder "what if?" Also I would much rather live on this earth for another 30 years without having the thought of low self esteem touch me ever again. I can't deal with another 30 years of wondering if I'll ever be confident. It's time to MAKE myself confident. And tomorrow is the first step.
