Mind warp

So its early in the morning but I haven't made an entry in a while so I wanted to do so now.

Man, my mind has been all over the place I want to say for the past 2 weeks now. I'm still putting our art even though I've been really distracted lately. And even though I haven't had a settled schedule in about a month and a half. I'm still pushing.

I recently finished with putting the book together for Renisha and Cjay. Now I'm just waiting on reviewers to tell me it's good enough to print.  I'm sooo ready to start selling this book. I worked hard all year to finish it!

In female news......

And man do I have a lot. Lol

Ok so Tinder has become my main hub for getting women during the winter. Simply because I hate the cold and I hate going out in the cold. And for that reason I haven't really been approaching women in public that much. Luckily it is much easier to talk to women in tinder now. It's crazy how all I had to do was switch up my up and change my hair. Smh

Although I'm getting more matches and I'm talking to more women, doesn't necessarily mean I'm getting a lot more ass. I mean granted I have been having a lot of sex but it doesn't have much to do with tinder.

So let me break it down:

I've met a few new women but only one is sticking around heavily.  The others fell back before I even had the chance of meeting them. (That's how things usually go) well this girls name is Michaela. Shes African and she has a really nice ass. Not the biggest but certainly not the smallest either. The only downsides are: She's not really all that attractive and she has rather large love handles. She's expressed that she isn't pleased with them and she will be doing something about it. But I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not around long enough to see the results. The last time I saw her she spent the night and we had sex at least 4 times.  The next time she comes over that is if she ever does again, I am going to record her.

Speaking of recordings that's what I'm currently doing with chicks I have sex with. It may not be the first time we have sex but trust me they will be recorded if we keep having sex.

I've done it with Cece and Diamond so far.  I'm looking to get more!!

Speaking of Cece and Diamond. 🤦🏾‍♂️

Cece's dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to text me on my birthday. But she didn't offer any apologies or anything. She just simply wrote "Happy Birthday." No apologies or nothing!

I don't even want to get into how fucking dumb that shit is! I'm just glad I can move on with my life and not worry about her as much anymore.

Now Diamond on the other hand....smh

I can't lie I was really crushing on her. More than I should've been to be honest. It's not like we did anything other than have sex but it was something about her that I couldn't get enough of.

Well I'm speaking this way because from my perspective I think it's over or things are on a really long pause. For the first time like ever since we've been talking she flaked on me. And this one was a hard flake not a soft one. Usually if we set up a day and time to meet she comes through and if she can't make it she would send me a text letting me know so.

But she didn't do that this time. I ended up texting her to see If she was still coming but I got no response.  That's strange. But it is what it is. She has children and it's around Christmas.  So I'm not going to hold everything completely against her.

I do know one thing, I'm not going to actively pursue her anymore. The minute a chick shows me signs like this is the minute I fall all the way back. There must be a reason why she stopped texting me and why she didn't come that night and it might not have anything to do with me. So I'll just leave her alone and see if she ever gets in contact with me again. If she doesn't, I can't lie I'll be upset but that's life.

Speaking of life.....this shit is funny af to me. So one day while I'm chilling at my mom's house I get a Facebook message.

I couldn't believe my eyes! It was ADJA!!
The girl who played me with that Texas trip last year. After that trip I realized I was severely wasting my time and energy with this chick and I completely shut her out.  I deleted her number and unfollowed her on Instagram. I'm certain she saw this and unfriended me on Facebook. So I was shocked when she sent me message. I clearly was on her mind.

Basically she told me that she'll be visiting Atlanta soon. I'm talking like next week! And she wants to hang out.

To be honest I never thought I'd hear from this chick again. The way I was acting on that trip and the way she acted towards me I immediately thought she put me in the Simp category.  But apparently not. Just know that if we hang out I will definitely be fucking the brains put of her. This is 2 years of frustration that I have. And I plan to unleash all of that on her when she comes out here.

I went to her Facebook page and saw that she recently graduated. Which is cool because I remember back on my trip she was doing a shit ton of studying. So now she doesn't have any distractions.....perfect haha

Well that's all for now.......I'm going back to bed.  😴

Stuck

I've been stuck in a rut for about 2 days.

Maybe it's the weather but I lowkey haven't been feeling motivated fo do much of anything. I was supposed to clean this apartment up days ago but it's still dirty af.

I think my energy has been drained and I'm fighting super hard to get things back on track but it's been difficult.  I finally got my Instagram account back and I've been uploading art but my reach is suffering again. I feel like I did all of that hard work with getting rid of fake accounts for nothing. Instagram is still showing my posts to the wrong people.  And I haven't been able to maintain a decent upload schedule since. Ugh my art is so frustrating right now!

Dating is ok for the most part. However consistency is something that doesn't come around too often. Ironically the only kinda consistent woman in my life is Diamond. She seems to go out of her way to make time for me. And I can't lie, I really like her. Probably a bit too much. I don't want to scare her off so i keep my distance. But when I want to see her I always plan something and she almost always is down to meet.

I wish I could say the same for Angel but her situation is a lot different than Diamond's despite the fact that we probably live like 5 minutes away from each other. But she has a lot of work to do for herself before I get around to seeing her again. Which kinda blows because

1. I really had fun hanging with her last time.  We had a great time and great sex was involved.

2. I had so much fun with her that I invited her to join Diamond and I in a 3 some for my birthday.  I did this because she told me that shes bicurious. I didnt even have to ask. She volunteered that information.  But because of her living situation and because she may have been talking through her teeth I'm not going to rely on that part not one bit.

I have other woman in my life but they aren't nearly as important as Diamond and Angel at the moment. Its definitely because of the wishy washy vibe I keep getting from a lot of them. That's that shit I don't have time for.

Well in the mean time, I'm going to bed. 👌🏽

Lost for words

They say good things happen to those who wait......

Now I'm not necessarily saying that I'm a millionaire or that I finally found the perfect girl for me. Neither of those would be true.

But I can finally say I am comfortable with everything right now. No complaints.

It all started like 2 weeks ago when another one of my ex's (Angel) reached out. After a few days of talking back and forth she finally came over. And I had the best sex I've had in a while.  I don't want to admit it, and I didnt even know why but I've definitely missed her and that juicy ass pussy she owns. Lol not to mention that she has gained a few pounds since the last time we've seen each other and it looks GREAT on her. While I was hitting it from the back I admit all the way that I was falling in lust. 😂 I remember we were fucking around years before her body didnt look like that. I'm guessing her kids helped her put on that extra weight. I left her hypnotized while she was over here after we had sex. So needless to say she's not going anywhere.  And it's already been established that we will be having a lot more sex and doing a lot more freaky shit with each other.  This something that I definitely thought about a bunch of times while I was in a relationship with my ex Cece.  It's just really strange and satisfying at the same time to fuck Angel in the same places I've fucked Cece. And I know that cece couldn't stand Angel. To be honest none of my ex's do. But the one thing they all have in common in comparison to Angel is that Angel actually fights for me. She keeps coming back even after we have a fall out. She lowkey has been in my life for 20 years. Its crazy!!

Now I'm not saying were about to be in a new relationship or anything like that. She has way too much baggage for me. But I would like to have her in my life until she gives me a reason to say otherwise. I can't lie she has a nice ass now though. And I'm going to bite it when I see her again.

Speaking of Cece.....

That situation is done. Finished. Over with.

She has never once reached out. Not once. And what does that usually mean. Shes over it. And to be honest I don't mind. I've been over it a while now as well. I've surrounded myself with women who probably care about my well being a hell of a lot more than she ever did. And that's evident. I just hate the fact that I spent 6 years dealing with someone who never really deserved my attention and leadership. But there's nothing I can do other than wish her the best and forget the whole thing even happened.  Which is kinda how its going on anyway.  There are times when I'm alone or with another woman and I completely forget some of the shit that happened in the past.

So....I had sex with another woman last night. It was ok. She's cool to hang around with. And she looks like she'll be replacing Tamrya. I think I finally have my trip of women. Granted, it's kinda of struggle to because 2 of them have baggage but they dig me and that's all that counts. O just want to see what will come next 😊

I can't lie I've been having a really shitty 2 weeks but its like I woke up a new man this morning so I had to write about it.

Well that's all for now. Gotta get going for work. 

Women ugh part 2

Well.....

I'm fucking pissed. And to be honest the only way to get my anger out is to put in on the page.  So here it is:

I got flaked on. Heavy.

To be honest the last time I was flaked on this heavy it had to be last year a few months after me and my ex broke up.

The date i previously confirmed would be happening never happened.  Simply because I didn't "reconfirm" the day of the date. That has to be the dumbest fucking excuse I have ever been told. I have never in my life had to reconfirm a date after already fucking confirming.  What ticks me off is the fact that I really thought this date was in the bag. I already had everything planned out in my head on how everything would go. So I can't help but be upset that shit did not go as planned when everything was supposed to go so easily and effortlessly today.

And to make matters worse, the girl from Zaxbys basically gave me her number pointlessly as well. These fucking chicks will give their numbers to any fucking body. They don't care. The fact that I thought that she was feeling me when she really wasn't is really fucking with me mentally. This is a pattern that I seem to constantly have with women these days. A lot of them show the signs but when it's time to take action a lot of them fall by the wayside.  It's so fucking annoying man I swear. Well, the only positive on this whole situation is that I will be seeing Angel tomorrow.  I just gotta make sure I don't let these 2 mishaps fuck up my attitude. Because to be honest I really want to show her a good time tomorrow.  Not because I feel that she deserves it, but because I feel as if I do.

Well fuck it. I'm off.

And I don't have a single bit of weed either. Ugh FML

Women.....ugh

Ok waking up to my Tinder feed is really something I should refrain from doing from now on. It just instantly puts me in a bad mood. I don't understand the point of of some of these chicks on the platform. They say that they are looking for a man and are tired of being single. But when a real one steps to them they act as if no one has. It all comes back to women being entirely too picky these days. But they are the main ones saying that there are no good men around anymore. Well, how the fuck would you know that? You keep rejecting everyone! Ugh! I'm just looking at my message history and its soooooo freaking stupid.  A lot of these girls will match with you and won't respond to anything you send them.  And if they do respond the conversation is always cut short because of the woman.  It's never because of me or what I said because my conversations are pretty fucking normal. It's not like I'm trying to win a victory online. That is what meeting in person is about. And what's interesting about that is a lot of these chicks aren't necessarily serious about meeting in person. For some reason they still feel it's too risky but will continue to stay on the app because it's free attention basically. Which is why once I ask them if they would like to meet up for a drink or something even more simpler than that they just up and vanish. 😐

Which is why I appreciate the girls who make it clear to me that they are attracted to me and they want to actually meet. (A lot of flakes on the platform as well smh)

I would be in a really shitty mood if recent events weren't going to happen today and tomorrow.....

Luckily I  met a cute chick that seems to be more of my speed on there not too long ago. I know that she's interested because I suggested a date but I was joking when I meantioned it. She sent me a message back saying that she wanted to go on a artsy date. So we have a scheduled meet up today at a art museum.  One that I've never been to so this will be a cool little experience.  I just gotta remember to follow the correct dating etiquette and today should go by like a breeze.

Tomorrow,  my ex Angel is coming over. And it has already been discussed that I want to get inside of her. And she obviously wanted to as well because she didn't really fight the situation. And it makes perfect sense. I'm single. She's single. There's no way I was going go let her ass come to my house and not try her. It probably wouldn't have went well if I didn't already tell her that I'm not looking for a platonic friendship with her because she's attractive to me.  So it's already established that we'll be taking a shower together. 😊 I can't lie, that's going to be interesting if I can pull that off.

Yesterday I went to Lennox because i wanted to get my feet wet in the field.  Something I hadn't done in a while and I wanted to purchase my signature cologne. Each time I wear it I always get compliments.  I approached 1 girl. Something I would be upset with myself about but the way the customer base is set up, there aren't many woman walking around looking to get chose. So I found one target and I went in for it. The chick was gorgeous! She was my height and she had that pear shaped body that I am convinced is my idea type of woman. So I had to approach her.  The interaction went well until I did something extremely stupid. I asked her if she had a man. I basically gave myself a rejection before she could. Bad move. She told me yeah (probably lying) and I just walked away.  I left the mall and after screaming at myself for sabotaging my approach I headed for Walmart by my place. There's usually never any girls around there but it was abnormally crowded in the store so I walked in. I was just about to leave when I saw this skinny girl walking around. Her shape is like Angel's from what I remember.  I approached her. Not really my first approach in a Walmart but its definitely my first approach where things were working in my favor until.....I sabotaged it again. 🤦🏾‍♂️

I asked her if she had a man. She said yes and then I walked away. Ugh I'm getting that shit out of my head right now. I shouldn't give a fuck if they have a man. To be honest they're probably lying through their teeth anyways. That "man" they are claiming is probably just some guy like me who's fucking and spending a little bit of time with her but that's it. So to hell with that question! The only thing that needs to come out of my mouth after the initial approach is closing the deal! Smh

After that I went to Zaxbys to get me something to eat. There was a new girl there that I hadn't seen before. Granted I wouldn't necessarily call her my type but there was something about her that kept me smiling. She's a short and kinda chubby white girl but I want to thank both of her parents for blessing her with that perfect smile. I couldn't help myself. I HAD to go for the number. And to my surprise,  she was really feeling me as well. She wrote down her number so fast. I hope I can get a chance to connect with her too.

This post is getting a bit long but I'll leave things with this:
Diamond and Tamyra just might be dead situations right now. Which sucks because I really like Diamond. And sometimes it's hard for me to get her off of my mind. I talk about her all of the time when Brandon is around.  Because of her baggage, it's not like I can pursue her like that. She has to be the one to pursue me. And she hasn't been lately which really sucks . But I guess I gotta live with it for right now. If she finds herself thinking about me I hope she can remain mature enough to get in contact with me.

Tamyra on the other hand, yeah I can't lie, if i never see her again I would be upset but it's not like what I would feel if Diamond just up and disappeared.  Tamyra is cool but there is something about her that just doesn't sit well with me. Which is why we'll always just be friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

Anyways, I'm out...got a date to prepare myself for. ✌🏽

Off

Not going to lie, this entire week I've been feeling really off. And i can think of a couple reasons why that may be.

1. I have not sold a single piece of artwork in the past month and I'm really starting to feel the consequences of it. I'm pretty broke right now and it's making me feel pretty shitty at the moment.

2. I am now actively resisting the urge to masterbate. In 2 hours I will have successfully lasted 6 days without masterbating. That's damn near a whole week!! I've been hearing about all of the benefits of not doing it so I'm trying hard not to. One thing I will say is that I'm going to try really hard to keep things the way they are. But if I for some reason cant resist then I'll simply masterbate once per week and I have to make sure to maintain and keep that going.

3. Diamond was supposed to come over tonight to (ease my pain lol) but plans got screwed up on her part so it didn't happen. I'm not going to lie, I am kinda bummed but it's not the end of the world and I'll surely see her again. Well, I hope. I can't lie I had a hard time sleeping last night (and probably will tonight) because I couldn't stop thinking about her. Its definitely a lust thing because we definitely have great sex. And she is really good at what she does. And shes super attractive to me. What's interesting is I probably wouldn't even be thinking about her as much if I were still masterbating every day. So I guess the rumors were true about your sexual urges becoming much more stronger once you stop. I 😵

4. I haven't been out in public much lately.  Partly because I'm working really hard to finish the last comic strip of Renishaandcjay.  Because truthfully, I dont think I can deal with another winter with low art sales after this one. This shit is killing me!!

Well anyways I guess I need to catch some Zs before I wake up too cranky in the morning like I did this morning. 

Back to the past

So....I'm not really in the best of moods right now. Simply because my art is no longer selling at the moment and im not sure if there is anything I can do about it.  I tried my best to copy exactly what I did last year but I am not getting any results from it. I drew 3 girls with the hope of getting at least one of them to share the drawing but none of them did. I'm beginning to think this has nothing to do with the quality of my art. To be honest I have no idea why this continues to be a problem. One chick in particular has shared really crappy drawings of her in the past that others have created.  She was very quick to share them too. But for some reason when it comes to my drawing I get the shit end of the stick. Like the most that she has done is share a preview pic (not even the full version) on her story.  I just don't understand why I'm not getting fair or equal treatment and I illustrated her bitch ass better than any of those other so called artists. 

And to be honest, I could sit here and toot my own horn all I want but numbers, comments, likes and saves dont lie. And as of today, the drawing I did of hers is in  my top 3 best drawings of all time according to my current audience.  It's a fucking shame that I can't even get appreciated when I throw out my best work. It's even more of a shame that she definitely has seen the finished piece and not once she comment on it or share it. The most I got was a like and to be honest I'm not feeling that shit at all. I wish I could delete the whole drawing all together but I have too many people who saved it and shared it. So I'm stuck. I even had members who follow me tag this girl in particular so she couldn't just fucking ignore it and it's funny because that's EXACTLY what she is doing.

Smh I REALLY cant win with this art shit right now.  I said it before but I ended up going against my word. But this time I'm dead ass serious.  These bitches are not about to get my best work anymore. If I get the urge to draw one of these IG models again the most they'll get it's less detailed drawings. I'm just super tired of my stuff not getting appreciated man!!

In further news

Wow, it's really starting to feel like 2010-2011 again. It's like right back to where things were just before I met my ex. It's almost like those 5-6 years were intentionally taken away from me. Like there was a lesson that I needed to learn. And I know I'm not all the way there but I'm definitely taking notes. I say all of that because the signs are all there! Everything   I pictured what my life would be like before my ex entered my life is coming true a little bit.

Me and Brandon are becoming super close. Almost like he's my brother. Which is something I imagined even back in high school. I remember writing in my old high school journals about our small adventures.  Speaking of which I need to go back and read some of those things to jog my memory a little bit. 

I haven't heard anything from the 2 women that I've been seeing the past 2 weeks so I've been trying to focus all my energy on finishing Renisha and Cjay. But another ex of mine, Angel recently began reaching out. She told me that she was back in Atlanta and it the same city that I reside in. Apparently she's going through a divorce. And it got messy. Which is really none of my concern. She's reconnecting with me for a reason. I hope it's because she wants to see me and have sex. If not then I am definitely going to keep my distance from her. But we'll see how things go when we actually hang out. In the mean time I need to find a way to get more commissioned work because what I'm doing now with these stupid ass model chicks ain't working.