Reflection game

More reflecting....as of right now I'm getting pretty close to my first encounter with my first and only highschool girlfriend in my journal. Some events are slowly coming back to me. Its just really interesting how I was back then. I mean granted, I am judging myself based off the fact that this is 16 year old me. But man its crazy how my mind state was back then. And how much things have changed. I absolutely forgot how obsessed I was with this girl named Mahagony that lived in my neighborhood. She was like 2 years younger than me but for some reason I couldn't find any courage to ask her out. Something tells me that things would've been so different if I had asked her to prom instead of going with my ex girlfriend instead....thank God I didnt because she definitely does not look the same now. She looks to have gained 150 pounds, she probably has kids and her face just doesnt look right. When we were younger Brandon came over and he saw her. He said she was ugly back then and I didnt see it. But now?? Yeah shes rough lol the only reason why I know how she looks is because she follows me on Facebook. Just basing things from these highschool journal entries, Clearly she liked me. I was just too young and scared to talk to her which will forver be dumb in my opinion....but anyway.....

Speaking of ex's.....I did want to speak on Corean a bit more so it would be solidified as to why im glad that things went the way that they did. As far as I am aware, this woman has been talking shit about me up until the middle part of last year. She's using a subsidiary platform from instagram called Threads to talk her shit. She doesnt do it on other platforms like facebook or twitter. Im assuming its because she thinks i would find out. Or maybe she just doesnt give a damn. Regardless I'm honestly not surprised at that. I've talked plenty of shit about her. But its always been behind the scenes on here. Never on a super public platform like Threads. I just find it funny that shes talked shit about me more than any of her exes despite the fact that shes supposedly in a relationship. I do wonder how her boyfriend would feel if he came across her account and did a deep dive. He probably wouldnt be too pleased to know that his girlfriend is online ranting to strangers about her ex boyfriend. 🤦🏾‍♂️ same for me. My wife would certainly not like this. But luckily this is a private platform literally for my eyes only. but anyway, what does tick me off is within one of her rants she revealed that apparently none of the people she brought around technically liked me. Which if I'm being honest, when reflecting upon everything that I could remember about our relationship I definitely could feel it. I just didnt know how to put things into perspective at that time. I always felt a negative aura around her family and friends when it came to me. Her aunts and uncles in particular never made me feel particularly welcome. And that was from the very beginning of our relationship. I still think it had something to do with how the relationship started honestly. And when I compare how i was welcomed in with my wife's family early on, its like night and day.

I've never experienced any of my exes going this deep to shit on me and our past relationship as much as she has though. Im sure they've said plenty of things to their friends. Like Angel for example. Shes personally told me that she talked shit to her friends about me.But to go on full throttle rants to strangers online like Corean is doing is a whole other level. I think its because she probably snoops on me the way I snoop on her and she noticed that not only do I not shit on her publicly, I'm in a whole other relationship that turned into a marriage which is something she always wanted but didn't get. It probably really pisses her off because id be the first to admit, aside from the major issues I've had with her, when we didnt have problems, the relationship was cool. It kinda reminds me of the relationship i have with my wife. Which makes it even more Ironic. 

Ironically we both got into new relationships in the same year a few months apart. I think once she realized a year or 2 went by and nothing changed on both of our ends is when she realized that me and her were completely done and there was no turning back. Because why else would she start talking shit about me to total strangers for 3 years straight if she was supposedly so happy with her current guy? 😒

I will say though, what does kinda irk me is the fact that the way she talks about me is like we didnt have any kind of rekindling in 2018 at all. 

She talks as if when we broke up in 2017 that we never saw each other again. Like her last memory of me is when we were living together. Which is bullshit. We all know that we hung out A LOT after we broke up. Almost to the point where i was contemplating on getting back with her. And she wanted it too. She was practically begging for us to get back together. Thank God I wised up and didnt let that happen. But I will say this, I want to thank her for the experience, because without that I wouldnt have a clue on how to operate and maneuver through this marriage with Courtney. Same with the brief relationship I had with Brittane. Those 2 women definitely prepared me for Courtney. I have no doubt about that at all.

Well...thats all for now. A good bit of reflection does the mental good I swear. Since I've been reading my old highschool journals it really helps me see that doing this is a fantastic way to clear my mind. So I definitely want to write more often.