It's time to get focused

It's always funny to me how I start these late at night right before bed. Almost like a tradition for years and years now. Lol crazy

But yeah I guess I should express some feelings before I shut things down for the day. Life has been normal for the most part. Things with my purpose are changing for the better and I definitely feel like I'm growing along with the brand. Something that I havent felt in a long time actually. I wouldn't say I was stagnating but things definitely felt like it was beginning to get dull. I even followed along with my original plan from a year or so ago with learning and taking animation seriously.  And I am making some serious progress. I could always be better and I will be better but I'm just happy with where I am right now. Hell I even had some artists who have literally never made it known that they even check my stuff out actually put out some words of encouragement on my animation updates. So that really helps me understand that I have a really good thing going on and I can't wait to see where I'll be with cartooning in the next few years.  Seeing my characters animated in real time is something I honestly didn't think I'd see so soon but I am so happy that things are picking up.


In other news, me and Courtney are still going strong. And its crazy because it's really almost been a year since she stepped foot into my bedroom and into my life. Admittedly I have not shared nearly as much about our relationship as I would usually but thats partially because we have spent so much quality time together that I often forget to make new journal entries.  Well....things have gone very well so far.  We hardly ever have issues and if we do it's usually handled pretty quickly because I have no problem with letting her know how I feel about certain things when they occur.
And the fact alone helps me get a clearer view of her perspective. She respects me hell of a lot and that's because I check her when she does things that I determine to be disrespect. Which is something that I have never tried in a relationship before.  Well not in this way. Before I would go through certain things with my ex's and instead of addressing the issues right when it happened, I let shit slide and addressed it much later when it was no longer relevant.  This clearly made a horrible impression early on in those relationships.

For example, Corean. She did a lot of disrespectful shit all the way at the very beginning that I didn't check because I thought it was just jokes. She would laugh at a few of my lyrics back when I used to rap.. Had I known that these jokes would eventually evolve into clowning as time went on then I would've nipped them in th bud but I didn't.  This also would have helped me determine what mindset that she was on back then. She never once was really supportive of my comic book brand. Can't believe it tool me so long to realize but she was never really there. Truthfully all of those times where she accompanied me at conventions would've been just fine had I had been by myself selling instead. It was all about her and a little bit of me. Very, very self absorbed and that's evident to this day.  Last few times checking out her socials told me everything that I needed to know about this woman.  Which is something that I should've been aware of back when I was with her or shortly after we broke up. Hell even my grandmother who only met her once knew that she was a delusional woman. She's so delusional that it's almost frightening that I spent so much time with her. She can never figure out what exactly she wants to do with her life. One minute she's a model, the next minute shes singing, the next minute she's a make up artist and the next minute she's a photographer.  🙄
And to make matters worse, she literally still looks the same. NOTHING about her had changed since 2018. NOTHING.  So imagine if I didn't have a back bone and stuck with her even after finding out that she lied to me AGAIN. Yeah that would never crazy! She's still the same size as she was before, she claims that she works out but nah I can tell she's every bit of 170 lbs that she was 4 years ago. Smh and then when I look at my girlfriend now, I can't help but smile. Especially when months prior to meeting her I was screaming in my car asking myself why I'm not attracting any women that want to go along with my program? Why am I not attracting women who think my life is exciting and they want to be a part of it? Especially when there's so many women literally all around my area!!!?? The irony about Courtney is that she was literally down the street from me for 3 years after me and Corean broke up. So imagine,  while I was running around these streets from 2017-2019 my girlfriend was literally around the corner from me. It's wild. Almost like it was destiny for us to get together. Now I'm not saying that we are perfect or specifically saying that we'll be together for a long time because who knows what the future holds? But I will say that these last few weeks of dealing with her made me make some changes in my own life. Like I finally hid my Tinder card from the general public. I would get online every now and then just to see what was out there and if I was missing anything, but people are ridiculous these days. I got a few matches. But none worth talking to. So clearly I wasn't missing much. Plus all the matches I was getting paled in comparison to my girl so that further proves that it was time to give it up for now.  Plus Courtney seems to be super serious about helping me with my purpose/brand. And its crazy because the things that she tells me are out her own mind but they are the exact talking points that I had when I discussed what I really wanted in a partner in crime with all of this.  This alone is what made me realize that sites like Tinder and Okcupid are nothing more than a distraction from what my true desire is: a dope ass girlfriend who could also be my right hand and partner with all of this.

Well that's all for now peace....