So....I'm writing this because I cant sleep. Its 3 am Saturday morning. And for the first time in weeks I've had time to really think about things. Well lately I've been hanging with Courtney quite a lot. We get along so well! Its such a refreshing feeling to start something new with someone completely fresh and new. Although I have my reservations for this as well. Everytime I hang with Courtney I get this feeling of familiarity. Almost like we've been together for a long time. When honestly its only really been a month and a few days. And then it hit me, this feeling is very similar to how I felt when I was with Cece but its as if those negative aspects of that relationship were completely thrown out. Its as if the last 2 years of my relationship with Cece never happened and we have been in a extremely happy relationship. Thats literally how I feel when I'm hanging with Courtney. I even had to catch myself a few times from getting in my comfort zone. Last time we hung out I almost told her that I loved her like I used to tell Cece. I have to remind myself that the woman I'm dealing with now IS NOT Cece despite the various similarities that they both have. Even down to their names and nicknames. Its really weird and im guessing that I should be making too much of a deal about it because each time I've brought my thoughts to someone other than myself I'm usually met with "you're overreacting" 🙄 I just hate that I can't get that stupid ass woman out of my head. Courtney is doing all that she can unbeknownst to her. It just sucks that they have so many similarities. But with the similarities, there are also things that are completely different. This comes with personality types of course.
Cece is ambitious, but only for her self interest. She doesnt like pleasing people really. If anything she wants to be pleased and catered to. Even when it comes down to sex.All of this is something that I absolutely wish I wouldve noticed back when I was with her. I did notice a slight change in her behavior after I broke things off with her the first time. But the harsh/sad reality is that I wasn't the one to bring that side out of her. And Who knows who it was, but it damn sure wasn't me.
Courtney is also ambitious. She is for self but also for others. She is a people pleaser. I can tell. And boy does she have drive! More drive than any woman I've ever been with (even though were not really together yet) she is all about self improvement. So theres no dragging her to the gym or pressuring her to eat better. She does it on her own. And her body is Fantastic because of her lifestyle!
So I'm leaving another part out. So I've noticed something else. Courtney is brand new. Really fresh and I really dig her. And I've come to conclusions as to why that is. She is literally and amalgamation of all my exs put into one.
Drive and ambition like my ex Brittane
Freaky side like my ex Angel
Body and overall vibe like my ex Cece
I know I'm not supposed to be a one woman man right now given my situation of how I've altered certain things in my life to be multiple women friendly but she definitely has me considering my options. Its only been a month and some days.....but we ALREADY have a trip planned at the end of this month. Now I usually wouldn't want to move this fast with someone I just started dating but I just feel this deep intense connection to her. Now that I think about it, the last time I went anywhere out of town with a woman without family being involved in anyway was with Brittane. This is because she had the drive and ambition to make moves. In fact she initiated the thought about the trip and even drove there herself the entire time. Cece definitely didn't have any of that drive nor ambition. Possibly because she was 4 years younger than me and just couldn't handle being with an older man. I dont recall her ever bringing up the fact that she'd like a getaway. Could possibly be that she was waiting for me to come up with the idea. Either way that was a shitty situation to be in now that i look back. Brittane and Courtney are my age and had great working positions. And they dont really look to me for guidance all the time which is something I respect now that I'm older. Its really interesting comparing and contrasting how different but simular these women are.
I'm just praying and wishing for the best of me and Courtney's future. I really enjoy her energy and it feels weird af when I dont see her after a certain amount of days. And I dont think that it has anything to do with sex. Even though her sex is Fantastic! I just really enjoy being around her.
Ok let me stop being all gushy and get my day started. Lol
