I guess I'll empty my mind once more before I go to bed.
I have been in a constant battle within my head these past few days. The battle in question is whether or not I may have over reacted when I confronted my ex.
I think its because I'm lonely at the moment. But I have to realize that no matter how lonely I get, I cant let that factor in my feelings about my ex. She lied to me, and what makes matters worse is that she had no real reason to lie. The respect that she had for me is long gone. Because if she still respected me then she would've just kept it real. Also there was no aftermath. No real apology. No authenticity from her end at all. In a sense, it's as if I were just another guy to her. Which is all the way fucked up.
It's crazy how you can spend 6 years (yeah I'm including this year as well) knowing and being with someone and then act like you don't even care about them at all one day. She's literally going about her life like I never impacted it. And that's what pisses me off the most. How the fuck is that even possible? The mindset of indifference is crazy. I'm not even sure when she stopped caring but I wish I could go back and snap myself out of her spell. Because it sucks that it took a whole new year for me to wake up smh
So now I'm stuck trying my damnedest to get her out of my mind. And its working...kinda.
I'm still struggling with finding replacements. Tamyra is either still in Vegas or she's back in town and probably waiting on me to call her. But I'm not. I'll wait for her to call or text me. And in the mean time I'm looking for more prospects. I've even managed to approach a few women in the past few days. Granted they all rejected me.
But as proud as I am for that, I know that it will never be enough. I have to approach a whole lot more women in order for me to get anywhere in this game. I just don't understand how some guys find the time to talk to so many chicks. I kinda don't have the luxury so I'm doing what I can. Progress has been very little though.
Speaking of progress. I must say that my progress into becoming a much calmer and more aware being has fallen quite short over the past few months. That in itself is probably what lead me to make such brash decisions recently. Simply because I haven't been really meditating as I should. Just a few months ago I was meditating every single day. Now I honestly cannot remember the last time I did. This is something I'm going to change by tomorrow. It's time to get back into the correct way especially after dealing with what I was dealing with a few weeks ago.
Until then...
