So I've been thinking about some things recently....
I think it's time for a change in my look. It's crazy to think that I haven't really changed my wardrobe since 2013. That was 5 years ago. Yeah, i purchased a few things here and there but ive never really switched things up. Today, i went ahead and purchased 2 new pairs jeans from this Chinese website that generally sells cheap shit. Some of it is fake but I'm at a point in time of my life where I really don't care as long as it looks good. I see they have a few cool looking pairs of shoes on there too but I'm going to wait a bit before I try my luck with that.
What got me thinking about this is my current stance with women and my instagram. Yeah I now have a pretty large following but it's because of my art and nothing else. It's taking me sometime but I think I want more out of my page. There's this guy who I've been following for ages who does exactly what I want to do on my page. He has a pretty large folllwing, but there's one major difference between what he does and what I do. He just creates illustrations. No original concepts, no comics, no original characters. This could be a turning point for me honestly. This guy is really big on fashion and taking professional photos along with his art. I've always wanted to do that but at the time I was so focused on growing my following that the fashion stuff fell by the way side. This would be the perfect oppurtunity to grow a much larger following not just on art but also on fashion. Maybe I can finally start to sell Tshirts featuring Cjay and Ms. Maleshift for real this time.
This also pertains to women because my quality in photos of myself on Tinder and on Instagram have faltered so much that really, the only attention I get from my photos on instagram are from guys most of the time. This could possibly be why my ELO score on Tinder is so low and I only match with 6s and 7s with kids on there vs. 8s and 9s without kids. Sonwtimes I dont get matches at all. And anytime I do match with a high caliber woman, she either doesn't respond to my messages or she unmatches with me directly after. Maybe a new wardrobe would boost my confidence a bit more when it's time to go out in the real world....
What's funny about all of this is the last time I hung out with my ex, she told me she and her roommate were talking and giving each other psychic readings. Apparantly, her roommate doesn't like me because she felt that my self confidence and energy was shot. Which she was right, my self confidence was pretty high 6 years ago but it's pretty low now and I'm trying to build it back up as much as I can now. But she also said something pretty interesting. She said that I'll be a difference guy in a couple of months and my confidence will be through the roof. I'll be acting different, dressing different and hitting the gym getting my body right. That stuck with me from the very first time she said it. And that was around a week ago. Funny how Im just now having the urge to do something about it. Maybe this is what she meant. And it's perfect this time around. Because before, my ex would practically beg me to get in front of the camera and I never wanted to because I never thought I was good enough. But fuck that, I am good enough.
Last night I watched this video that I haven't seen since my and my ex were in a relationship. It was about looking at yourself and truly loving what you see. I'm going to make it a mission to do just that. It's time for a change. I'm finished with my comic and I'm taking my time on my next project so honestly, i dont have any excuses to not really work on improving my self love. Because I want to see what my ex sees in me. I want to know why she cherishes me so much. I want to feel that same way about myself.
I've also downloaded PDF versions of "48 laws of Power" and "The way of the Superior Man" these might be the books that I've been missing in my life. Too many times have I acted out of character instead of how a man is really supposed to act. This is deep rooted in my childhood that I won't go too far into that right now. One thing i will say, I am definitely ready for change. Because it's February. Approximately 3 months before spring weather really hits. And I am not trying to be stuck in my house studying how to be a man. It's time to act upon it.....
